Taking Action From The Green Zone
Have you ever noticed how much you are judging? In fact, we are all judging, all of the time, whether we are consciously aware of this or not. And it is how we judge something that determines how we feel about it. For instance, how you judge marmite will determine whether you feel love, or hate. The judgement comes first. Then the disgust, (or the desire to have some in my case!)
The same thing happens when we are judging ourselves, or other people. And our judgements lead to loving or hating, liking or disliking. We care for those we love, and we hurt those we hate, and we can swing between the two feelings, depending on how we are judging them in the moment.
It is vital that we can do this as we very quickly need to be able to decide whether to trust another person or not. In practice we will have an almost instant intuition, or feeling, about another based upon our life experiences. This will be, either directly of this person, similarities with another person, or, perhaps, something we have heard about them. This judging can be wrong and we may misread another’s behaviour. Giving a moment of time may allow us to better judge them, and this can save our relationships.
For our relationships to be healthy, we really need to be treating each other from the Green Zone, at least most of the time. It’s how we behave towards others that determines how they judge us, and so feel about us; whether they like, trust and respect us.
How people judge us over time will determine our reputation and a reputation of acting from the Green Zone will lead to trust and respect. Someone behaving from the Red Zone towards us will lead to us mistrusting, not believing, or disliking them.
Someone with a great reputation will be:
Loyal: They will wish to be in the same tribe, or group, as you and will make you feel that you belong. They will not gossip about you and will defend you when needed.
Kind: They will enjoy being with you and take the time to notice how you are doing and how you are feeling.
Helpful: They will wish to help you to solve the problems you have. Not tell you what to do, just help.
Honest: You can rely upon them to always tell you the truth. They will be tactful, but understand that it is better when we are honest with each other.
Fair: They will ensure that we are treated fairly in all matters, as far as they are able. This is not about being equal; some people need more help than others.
Obedient: They will meet the expectations and rules of our group. This is not about obeying another person but being polite and upholding the social norms of our culture.
Able: They will have capabilities that we value. We may also judge their physical fitness, or attractiveness. Someone with a great reputation is likely to be skilful in some way, perhaps with the way they treat people, or perhaps they are a competent musician, artist or teacher, or have one or more of many other qualities.